Ariz at 2 weeks old
I count my blessings everyday for being able to be one of those moms who don't have to worry about long hours at the office, sending kids to the babysitter or childcare or even leaving them home with maids.
I used to not feel this happy or grateful... before this I was actually a lot more selfish. I had a job offer that I couldn't resist, and I did not want to become one of those moms who just stays at home and watch the world pass me by.
When friends who had older children and more experience dealing with newborns came to visit, they advised me to just "enjoy" my babies while I can. I brushed those advices away and felt like they are only saying it because they had to be married to their jobs. Full time mom is so not for me. I could not utter those words as my profession when everyone asked what was I doing.
Time passes us by and we came to a compromise that I would be hanging around the kids most of the time, besides doing what I love doing. I get a lot of "me" time ... going for a lot of facials and spas, enrolled in a gym and spend a lot of time with my freelance friends besides doing banking errands, taking care of our other investments like properties etc. and most importantly, being with my babies.
It's turning out to be quite a great arrangement actually. I don't know why I was so keen to be away from my kids like those clerical ladies. I got fixated on the very idea that women should work, but forgot to realize that most smart women don't really work the way others do. I finally realized the economics behind the saying 'it's not about the job, it's about the income'.
I regret deeply the times I left my babies behind to chase over something that was never going to make me any different from all the other working moms. Those moms didn't quite have a choice, not with the financial burden cast upon them...
With this regret, I am getting flashbacks of my babies when they were 2 months... 4 months ... 6 months... 10 months... I felt like i've lost those time and moments when they were all chubby, bouncy and teething. I am sure I am missing them because time moves too fast and they grow up too quickly... But this guilt and regret is 'blaming' me for wanting to leave them for a desk job.
To make up for 'such regrets', I found myself spending more quality time with my babies once they turned 1. They were very much a handful before 1, but tamed a little after they started walking... which makes spending good times with them a lot easier. Now is even better now that they are 2, talking, expressing themselves and best of all, wanting me to read to them.
One day, a young friend is going to give birth and feeling awful for missing out on her desk job life, and I will be the one telling her an advice -- enjoy your babies while you can.
To Riaz and Ariz, thanks for always being patient with mommy. So understanding whenever she is out to just be 'her'.
